it feels weird

....to know that I'll probably never see him again. Well I suppose in a city of 1 bazillion people, there is an odd chance that we might run into each other sure. But besides that, it's all finished. I met Spencer at "our storage unit" today after work. It was very short and to the point. All the loose ends had been tied. Perhaps we should have wished each other well, but it felt unecessary and uncalled for to say so. We exchanged only the necessary verbage. There's just no need to wave or hug goobye in this kind of situation.

He looked so weird. It shocked me how different he looked when we had a "meeting" last Thursday, but I was past it today. He had one of those familiar faces that you just can't quite place. At least that's how I chose to look at it. It makes a lot more emotional sense than looking at him like the man I loved for 7 years.

I am way past wondering if he might change his mind and want to come back to me. I feel quite over wanting him to come back. I'm quickly becoming over being bothered by him belonging to someone else. I'm just not quite over the feelings of how badly it hurt to be left and betrayed, and to be so completely shocked like that. You never think it could happen to you, but it can and it did.

In my invisible dayplanner, I've penciled in a trip to the Social Security Administration on Thursday. Yes, I know I said I was going to do that already but I haven't had time. Some day soon after having completed that task, I'm going to the DPS to get a new license. And then I shall officially be Amy Blackham again :o)

My brother gave me some sound advice and told me to determine how I see myself and do my best to define what makes me happy. Here's to that journey.

Tagged :o)

1. Add a comment on this post of a memory that you and I had together. It doesn't matter if you know me briefly or we go way back, just remind me of something that sticks out for you.

2. Next, repost these instructions on your blog and see how many people leave a memory about you. It's pretty fun to see the responses. If you leave a memory about me, I'll assume you're playing the game and I'll come to your blog and leave a memory about you!

Randomosity

I'm pooped. I am not getting nearly enough sleep. Every month or so I'll get this randomly predictable bout of insomnia. Where I'm "omg sooo tired", but then the second my head hits the pillow I'm wide awake.

I think I'm a work-a-holic. I'm being pulled in so many different directions at work right now and the OCD part of me can't leave anything undone. We have to organize old stuff, create new stuff, and fix stuff in general. Oh, and still help customers who walk in to our offices. It's very counterproductive for all my stuff-doing. It seems like the only time I can get stuff done is once the lobby closes between 4 and 5. I recently learned that I can get even MORE stuff done if I make it 6, and last Friday I decided to make it 7:30. I turned my ipod WAAAY up, and angrily alphabetized folders.

Ok thats all I have to say. 3 days left.

So....

I don't really update this much. I have a set of friends who blog on livejournal and a set of friends who blog on blogger. I thought to myself when I set up my blogger account "Self...it wouldn't be too hard to just post on livejournal and then copy/paste it over to blogger. Kill two blogs with one stone." That worked well only once. I keep meaning to try it again, and I think that maybe one day I will.

So for anyone who still surreptitiously checks my blog, what HAVE I been up to since May 12th, 2008?

May 2008: Nothing much happened besides the vacation(s) which I already blogged about.

June 2008: My family decided that had had just enough of not seeing me, and twisted my arm to come home for a visit. I left on a Friday night after work and got into Utah at like 9:30 at night. My whole fam damily was there waiting for me!! The very first thing I noticed was how incredibly TALL the twins are now. 14 yrs old and they stand almost 6'4"! While I was at home, I got to visit with some old friends: My coworker Rose who has always been like a second mother, Marianne, who is just about the best thing since sliced bread, and Annie, one of the sweetest people you could ever know. My Grandparents, Aunt Julie, and Cousin Emily came for dinner, and I got to go visit my Grandma Blackham. Whew...by the end of the trip I was worn out, and sad to not have been able to get in touch with more friends :(

July 2008: I turned 26. Once upon a time, the end. Ok not really. It wasn't a super eventful birthday since I didn't really celebrate it. It was weird in a bitter-sweet way to think about past birthdays and realize how different this one would be. I semi-celebrated by attending my co-workers wedding, which was not as hard as I thought it would be. My family sent me a care package, and I got to talk to all of them on the phone.

Also of note in July, my divorce was finalized. After having been separated from Spencer since March 16th and having the divorce filed since April 2nd, my lawyer and I finally decided to just go ahead with the divorce, even though Spencer still had a few things to finish up. We wrote in the legalities to cover my butt though. It took all of an hour. I had to swear in (which was quite Judy Judy-esque), answer like 10 questions, and the judge validated the decree and granted me a divorce. Spencer had signed a waiver, so he wasn't even in court. I cried afterwards...partially because it felt like the appropriate thing to do, and not so much because I felt sad. It just felt weird I guess.

I didn't plan it this way, but I went on my first post-divorce date that day. I signed up for match.com and had been talking to this guy named Shawn for a few weeks. We really clicked and had a great time. I totally didn't want the night to end. Lucky for me neither did he :o)

August 2008: Shawn and I started spending more time together. He's 33, never married, no crazy baggage, and such a great guy. He makes me laugh all the time, and just smiles and nods his head when I do and say random stuff.

The month of August kicked me in the butt, knocked me down, and kept on kicking. I have three cats, one of which I got just this last April. She was a barn cat and, apparently, came with fleas. I hadn't really noticed anything for the last few months, but it became painfully obvious in August that I had a flea infestation. My cats were all miserable and being eaten alive. To boot, they were everywhere in my apartment...carpet fibers, bedding, clothing, etc. After spending many sleepless nights being eaten alive, hours and days washing and cleaning EVERYTHING, I hired a fleabusting company to come in and terminate the little buggers. It's a process, so it takes time for them to ever be completely gone. I started treating the cats for flea prevention.

September 2008: I had originally planned on flying home to Utah the beginning of September, but those plans were crashed by the flea problems and a costly car repair. So...I went to doctors instead! I took a few days off work and went to the Dentist, Gyno, and the Dermatologist. After not having gone to any kind of doctor for more than a year, I was strangley excited to see medical professionals :o)

Still spending time with Shawn. We had "the talk", or "DTR aka Define the Relationship" and decided to date each other excusively. Parts of me get scared, as I feel I have some underlying commitment issues from the divorce, but most of me just enjoys the companionship. I like that we are committed to each other, but not neccessarily putting time frames on anything in the future.

I started working some CRAZY hours at work. And I mean crazy. The other banker switched branches, so I was the only new accounts rep. During the month of September, I worked 6 days a week, and averaged about 48 hours a week. Needless to say, once the new banker started, I was as burnt out as one could possibly be!!

October 2008: Ummmm. Hmmm. Shawn. Work. Cats. Eat. Sleep. Breathe. Kinda the same as normal I've gotta say. The only change is that Shawn and I are now working on a eating/exercise plan. He has an Eliptical machine, punching bag, and weights. Every night we get together, we make sure we work out. I feel horribly out of shape, but I feel better that I'm doing something about it.

*****
I doubt anyone is still reading this by now, but I'll try to do more regular, less eye-bleedingly long posts from here on out! Later Gator!

Vacation

I had a whole week off work!! I was pretty much a world traveler and did more things in the last 7 days for myself than I have probably done in my whole life. Wow, what does that say about me, lol :P I went to visit some good friends (I consider them my family) in Dallas for a few days. Stephanie and I talked and talked, got pedicures done, and just kind of relaxed. Their home is a second home to me. Their three kids are such a treat to be around and totally cheered me up.

I drove back down to Austin on Tuesday and re-packed for my flight to visit Angela in Maryland. She has the cutest house, and it was so much fun to see the new remodeling she's been doing! While I was there, we did some shopping. Apparently I am a "shop with girl friends" noob, because I didn't know about the whole unspoken rule that when trying on clothes, you MUST come out of the dressing room and show each other what you are trying on. That's what I get for coming from a family of all boys, lol. As we were driving home from shopping, we stopped by the Amish Farmers Market in town. I can't believe all the stuff they sell there! Of course I was just as amazed by the bigger-than-you-head red strawberries as I was excited by the gummy fried eggs I bought!

We met up with our friend Jen later that night for dinner at The Melting Pot. I didn't get any fun pictures because I am bad bad at a) having a camera at the right times, and b) assessing the best times to take fun pictures. Here are a few random ones I took with the camera on my phone either way, hehe. We thought it was apparently really funny to take pictures of each other taking pictures of the fondue spread. Angela ended up with the picture of me taking a picture of Jen taking a picture of the fondue, hehe.

We kinda relaxed at home on Friday since it was pouring rain, and enjoyed making the Papa Murphy's Pizza delivery guy come bring us some grub. We watched a plethora of movies, my favorite being The Little Mermaid because, come on...it's just so fabulous! We managed to assemble the bookshelf/cabinet that Angela had to wait 4 months for. It was totally worth the wait because it fits perfectly! Later that night, my friend Ryan came in town to hang out for the weekend.

Saturday was the trip into DC. By mid morning it wasn't raining as much, so Ryan and I headed out. I'm glad he has more of a sense of direction than I do, but we still managed to see whatever sights we could find. I got to ride in TWO cabs! I know, cool huh? Ok maybe not to everyone, but it was my very first time. I had a lot of first times on this trip, and got overly excited about most of them, hehe. It was a fun outing for sure.

The first day back from a great vacation always sucks doesn't it?! How do I keep forgetting that? I hate unpacking suitcases and doing the subsequent loads of laundry. I never manage to "clean up before I go", so I always come back to a messy house. The first day back at work is always the hardest too. It's like somewhere in my brain I thought I could just get a job as a contractual vacationer and never have to bother with the whole 9-5 bit. Today at work I noticed there were piles of stuff on my desk, but I had no desire to do anything about it. It can wait until tomorrow, but not the next day :)