something is on my mind

So....my ex-husband got remarried last weekend to the woman he left me for. I wasn't surprised, but at the same time I was. The man that I'd been with for nearly 7 years is officially starting his new life with woman 2.0. For a very long time after he left, I waited to hear through the grapevine that she had dumped him and that he was miserable. I needed that to happen so I could feel justified that he'd made a mistake by leaving me. That I wasn't the crappy wife he'd told me I was, and that God punishes people who are unfaithful.

That clearly didn't happen. Instead he proposed to her and now he married her. Maybe they'll be happily married for 57 years, or maybe they'll end up painfully divorced. Just so we're clear, I hope for the latter.

I'm not in charge of their future and I'm really tired of wondering about their life together. I keep waiting for the day that I'll stop wishing bad things on them and move on with my own happy life. The more time that passes since we separated, the more worried I become that I still have all these unhealthy feelings.

That's all I have to say. Thinking out loud about this makes my brain hurt.

Mexico or Bust!

This is three-day old news, but my brother Thomas got his mission call this week. He'll be serving a 2 year mission for the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints (LDS/Mormon Church) in Mexico City, Mexico. He'll report to the MTC in Provo, UT to learn Spanish on Feb 3rd.

I'm not able to visit Utah to see him right before he leaves because it's during the black-out time off/merger at work. I've booked a flight a few weeks earlier to see him over President's Day Weekend. I'm in complete denial that my brothers are growing up so fast. More than half of the kids in the family are out on their own in the world now!!

I'm also excited that Shawn and I will be able to be together this year for Christmas. Last year (our first Christmas together), he flew home to visit his family in Kentucky for the Holidays. This year he's short on vacation time and said he wasn't in the mood to travel during the holidays, so I'll get to have him around this year! We're going to plan a road trip to go Kentucky in the spring time to visit his family and pick up a bunch of random stuff that's stored at his parents house there. I haven't done a long road trip in an really long time, so I'm looking forward to it-and to see different scenery besides Texas and Utah :)

I work therefore I am

Ok not really :)

It's my second day back at work and I'm surviving! I needed some pain pills and a heating pad once I got home last night thats for sure. I'm sure I'll be a bit tired for a while still, but that's to be expected. Work was really good about me being out, and is being really helpful and accomodating since I've gotten back too.

I didn't make my numbers for September due to my absense (and customer's dragging their feet). I missed the first half of October so it's not looking too great either, but I do have two loans that close this week. If I can manage to get another 60ish points in the next 2 1/2 weeks I'll have a fighting chance.

Bailey is going through separation anxiety again now that I'm not at home. I had the week of vacation at the beginning of september, then nearly 3 weeks at home. Poor little guy thought this was going to be the new norm. His potty behaviors are sucking right now--he knows the morning ritual (showering, breakfast) means he's going to go into his dark hole of emo. So now he just refuses to go outside unless I go with him. And at that he will only sit on the patio. *sigh*. Feels like it'll be starting from scratch. He's kennelled again to prevent emo destruction and accidents. Hopefully the little guy gets used to it again.

Ok that's all! Hasta Luego!

not quite ready..

I had my post op appointment yesterday morning. The doctor said things are coming along with my incision, but based on how I'm feeling (still needing to take vicodin on a regular basis, can't stay in the same position for more than a few minutes, and having sharp shooting pain by the late afternoon) that she wanted to keep me out of work for a little while longer. She extended my leave until next Monday which is a bank holiday, so I'll be back on Tuesday.

I was able to kind of find out the next steps, and more about what to expect going forward. I really hope this helps with the monthly pain and discomfort and I can have more "good days" in a month.

When did it become October already!

Wow, October hit when I was down and out I guess.

I think I'm improving, but it's hard to be sure really. I'm spending a LOT more time sitting/lying down. The less I move, the less I battle with that bothersome pain. However much I rest during the day though, by the time late afternoon/evening hits, I'm in quite a bit of pain. So I usually Vicodin up before I shower and head to bed. But I'm sleeping in bed now and having memorable dreams again so I think those are a step in the right direction.

I'm really anxious to go to my post op and find out what they think/say about everything, and whether I'm ready to be back to work or not. I tend to be a worry wart so I stress out about seeing small bits of blood on my clothes from the incision, and wonder if my stomach looks bloated or if I just got fatter. ....*sigh*....